Corporate Jargon Syndrome

Now I’ve never been big on shoptalk of any kind, and I find that parlance can easily become a habit that is akin to swearing. Jargon is generally used by people who have a need or desire to fit in (a fine motive in itself), but like all habits, the use of jargon can spiral out of control and be detrimental to the user.

One example that springs to mind is the case of the disgruntled corporate web designer who returned home after a stressful day at the office. He was presented with a cooked meal that wasn’t to his liking, so in an attempt to make his protests sound objective (rather than personal) while complaining, he referred to the meal as ‘the product’, and to himself as ‘the end user’. This noble attempt to make his protest without giving offence was actually masking an unconscious cowardliness that was in fact all too evident, and a bitter row ensued.

Another case in point is the story of the line manager who was put in charge of a new employee (a newcomer to the country). Halfway through the morning, despite a thorough search of the premises, the line manager was unable to locate his charge. Eventually, one of the members of staff found the new employee standing outside, and he was brought before the line manager to account for his behaviour. It transpired that during the pep-talk, this new employee had been encouraged to ‘think outside of the box’, and he had been quite happily ruminating in the sunshine ever since.

Yet another instance of inappropriate jargon usage can be found in the story about the young businessman who was out on a date. Being a little unfamiliar outside of the corporate environment, and being none too familiar with regular dating criteria to begin with, the young man resorted to his native speak in an attempt to impress his date. During the corporate monologue that ensued, the young lady in question became alarmed on hearing such comments as “We need to be joined at the hip on this” & “Let’s run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.” Needless to say, the young man’s attempts to win over his ‘target audience’, meant that he was ‘transitioning to a new role’ not too far into the evening.

Corporate Jargon is often employed as a tool to bamboozle and impress potential clients as it is believed among some to pass for acumen. However, for the truly uninitiated, the term ’stakeholders coming to the party’ will always be understood in connection with a barbeque, while the term ‘holistic cascading approach’ remains utter gibberish.

Tags: Humour