The Render Dress-tease
When I stated out working with 3D rendering, I thought that anti-aliasing was a lobby against monikers.
Little did I know about the mesmerising power of the render tool, and the tantalising anticipation of the smoothing bar. As anyone who works with powerful 3D applications will know, the rendering function is like a striptease in reverse, where the clothes are slowly going on rather than coming off. I use the word ‘Slow’, because when I first started to work with digital 3D, my hardware was pretty basic, and it struggled with the power of these applications.
After hours of modelling and texture editing, setting the scenes and lighting them, I would finally be ready to test render my work. I would click the render button, and the ‘dress-tease’ would begin. I would watch the smoothing bar gradually make its way down the image, seductively revealing more and more of my work, and I would become hypnotised by this process. I was eager to see the results of my labour, but equally keen to see how the application had translated my ideas.
Would that extra spotlight bring out the reflection I wanted? Would the diffuse on the ambient light get rid of that harsh shadow? I couldn’t wait to find out, and I would stare at the bar as it slowly ironed out the latest tweaks. How would that texture work on a sphere? In theory, it would look fantastic, but I had to wait and see, and the image render might take up to half an hour to complete (if I was lucky).
Would I go and do something productive while the rendering took place? Would I turn my attention to one of my neglected priorities while the dress-tease was on? Never me! I watched every count of the bar as if my will alone would keep it on it’s inexorable course to the end.
Fifteen minutes into the render, I spot an error. Damn, it looks good, but that extra spotlight has put an awful glare onto my sphere texture. I’ve wasted fifteen minutes watching the smoothing of a dud! Never mind. I come out of the render, tweak the settings in the wireframe, and start all over. I am exited to see the result, and I click the render button once more…here we go!
Ten minutes into the render, I see that the sphere texture is too dark now, but the changes I’ve made have put a beautiful glow around it, and I feel exited about that, so I return to the wirframe to play around some more. Each subtle change of light creates yet another problem, but opens up another option, and a texture needs editing to compensate. I am spending two minutes frantically editing the wireframe, and twenty minutes watching the render result with the intensity of a cat who has sighted prey.
I am transfixed by the smoothing bar. Each time it begins it’s methodical, relentless scrutiny of my work, I rub my hands in anticipation. Slowly and steadily the result unveils, gradually revealing all the power of the application in its glory, and as I watch it paint my instructions, I know that I will get the credit for so much that I didn’t actually intend.
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Over time, the novelty wore off and I became accustomed to the tools that would ultimately save me time. The awe of the anti-alias was replaced with impatience, and ultimately, better hardware. Watching the smoothing bar had become tedious, and to avoid the frustration of impatience, I had learned to go and make a cup of tea, or compose an email. The joy of the dress-tease had all but vanished as I had grown up into a new world of maximising time and billable work.
Occasionally, I would revert to my old ways and watch the smoothing bar for a while, but feeling the waste of time pressing on me, I would turn away, considering that in ‘watched kettle’ hell where nothing ever boils, perhaps there might be such a thing as the corner of the infinite render. Here, there just might be some poor soul who has to tweak every error of his past for all eternity, and begin the render process each time forever on a deathly slow machine.
However, all of this was long ago. I don’t do as much 3D work as I used to, but when I do go back and play around, I can’t help reverting to my old ways. The whole fun for me is the exciting dress-tease, where I get to waste time watching the digital paint dry.
